Does that help you decide America? Do not turn off the camera! You’ve seen how quickly I can kill.
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Russell Edgington and I have been a vampire for nearly three-thousand years. Now, the American Vampire League wishes to perpetuate the idea that we are just like you. I suppose in a few small ways we are.
We’re narcissists. We care only about getting what we want no matter what the cost, just like you. Global warming, perpetual war, toxic waste, child labor, torture, genocide - that’s a small price to pay for your SUVs and your flat screen TVs, your blood diamonds, your designer jeans, your absurd garish McMansions! Futile symbols of pertanence to quell your quivering, spineless souls.
But no, in the end we are nothing like you. We are immortal. Because we drink the true blood. Blood that is living, organic and human. And that is the truce the AVL wishes to conceal from you because let’s face it, eating people is a tough sale these days, so they put on their friendly faces to pass their beloved VRA.
But make no mistake. Mine is the true face of vampire! Why would we seek equal rights? You are not our equals. We will eat you after we eat your children.
Now time for the weather. Tiffany?